Three Step Diet

I marvel at the staggering number of diet programs that drape the book shelves and appear as rotating installments on the Dr. Oz show. It seems like the perfect money-making opportunity; you come up with a catchy theme or title, create a few healthy recipes and get a notable doctor or nutritionist to lend an air of credibility. I’m tempted to create one for the sole purpose of proving just how easy (and therefore ridiculous) it is. The only problem is my diet idea is so simple I can break it down into three simple steps just like they do on Disney Junior. It’s a challenge for me to fill an entire page explaining it much less an entire book, but for those of you who might want to save your money on all the other fads I’ll give you this one for free;

Step 1Eat Clean: You can also think of this one as ‘eat simple’. The closer to raw or natural something is the better it probably is for you. The more processed or chemically infused an item is the less of it you should be consuming. In general when you walk through the grocery store the clean and simple foods are those along the outer walls; meats, eggs, produce, dairy, etc. Of course there are also canned or frozen fruits and vegetables, as long as there are fewer than 2 ingredients on the label and the only process involves vacuum seal and flash freezing you’re good to go.

Step 2Eat Color: The rules are cumulative here, so the color has to be clean, simple and natural. Anything labeled “blue raspberry”, for example, doesn’t count. This means eating a pretty spectrum of actual fruits and veggies. When I was just out of college my roommate prepared a meal consisting of chicken nuggets, tater tots and barbecue beans,… the entire plate was shades of brown, and the thought of it still creeps me out and keeps me on the lookout for the rich greens, reds, yellows and oranges that occur in nature.

Step 3 – Eat Protein: Specifically eat more protein than carbohydrates. This one may be a more subjective point, but for me at least, an admitted carb-whore who wants to keep and build muscle I know I need to get in more protein. Since I seem to have no problem finding plenty of carbs to eat the challenge becomes making sure to end up with an equal amount, if not more, of protein then I do of carbs. And again being cumulative steps if I have a beige chunk of chicken or turkey I still need to make sure I find my color sources with other foods. Bonus points if I’m eating something like ahi that has its own rich color.

That’s it. A three-step diet in less than a page. Now I just need to fill about 100 more pages with nonsensical crap justifying the steps and touting their merits, search the internet for a weeks’ worth of meal planning, and find some lonely PHD to write me an impressive introduction and jacket endorsement and I’ll be set. I am so gonna be rich!

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